I was finally able to complete the exercise. I found this one more enjoyable since there was more time to relax and concentrate on breathing. At the same time I feel it was harder because of the silence. I also found the water to be a little irritating. I did like hearing the flute, I think a meditation with just music would be nice. It also made me realize how easily distracted I am. My sister and I both work with my mom and we call her "goldfish". This came about because she is very easily distracted & they say everyday is a new day for goldfish because they don't remember anything. I'm not exactly sure how true that is, but the name and concept stuck. Looks like I might be goldfish jr. if I don't continue working on this! I still feel that I will focus better if I am physical at the same time. Something about being in motion puts my mind at ease. All the sitting around & forcing myself to not think is like trying to hold my breath. At some points I thought I was doing great than all the sudden I'd be thinking about something else completely and I'd think "aw crap, how long have I not been "not thinking" lol. But I get that even catching myself and trying to refocus is good for now.
I had this really great conversation with my dad today. He opened up after I was telling him about this class and how much I've been enjoying it. He told me about how when he rode across country on his motorcycle. When he was entering the Grand Tetons he noticed a hawk flying on his right. He was doing about 80mph. So he slowed down and so did the hawk. Then he'd speed up and so would the hawk. He explained what an awesome experience he had and how it made him think about how Native Americans had once lived; he even referred to the hawk as his "brother hawk". He got all excited, I could tell he got a little embarrassed remembering how much it had moved him. (which is pretty much impossible for my dad) He had such a spiritual encounter but shied away because he was judging himself. I think sometimes we don't embrace things because society thinks spirituality is weird. I'm happy to think I have the confidence now to not let things like society's expectations from holding me back. It also felt good to support my dad and tell him how awesome I thought it all was. It's hard to put into words but I feel this shift. A powerful awareness changing many things. It's encouraging & supporting my physical & mental wellness in ways I couldn't before. I grew up catholic but never liked the idea of judging others. I could never describe what I felt before. I've always sensed things like other peoples emotions & had strong intuitions. I also get flashes as things are happening and know I've seen them before. These are all things that have made me feel crazy or caused me pain in the past. I remember things from my childhood and I'd think to myself, "I know this is real but when I get older will I deny it" because even at a young age I knew it wasn't "normal" & I could tune things out. Like I said, I feel a shift. Just at the possibility of being able to embrace myself and explore spiritualty. I know I will be using the text & ideas from this class long after it is over..
Hi Jenn,
ReplyDeleteI liked reading your blog this week and the story about your dad. Aren't men so funny? They are so sweet and cute when they actually share something personal and/or emotional. (Being in the Army, I am around men all day long, and over the past few years, I have became "mother goose." I like when they come to me for advice, or just to vent.) But anyway, the story about your dad and the hawk is pretty awesome. To feel so connected with yourself and nature at the same time; it just sounds so wonderful! Have you had any similar experiences? And I agree, many times, I feel that society views spirituality as weird. People just have such a hard time accepting things that they do not understand. And it's kind of sad, because in today's world, we should all be more open to such things as we learn from other cultures and our cultures converge. The Native American culture has also always been intriguing to me as well. I love the connectedness the focused on, as well as the respect for the earth and the animals. I find it to be very beautiful.
Mariah
What your dad experienced was awesome! I too rarely have ever had my dad open up about certain experiences in their life. I don't know, maybe its their generation or something. I also have a hard time shutting down my thoughts. I would describe as drowning as well, then guilt sets in as my mind tells me I should be spending time with my family instead of isolating myself, then I feel guilty cause I cant completely give myself to the exercise. Perhaps I am just a really weird individual. I met a woman many years ago who opened my mind to spirituality and the mind body connection. At first I was really resistant to the idea mainly because I was a nerdy science dude and thought all could eventually could be explained through science and the thought of taking a class like this along side my astrophysics classes seemed to be a joke. However, since then, my mind has opened up more to the full human experience and how the mind body spirit all are part of that and interconnected. Thank you for posting, I always enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteAaron